not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And then he peed in my hair
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