He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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