is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
