My sheets look like a crime scene.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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