SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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