My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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