sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
