I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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