Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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