Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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