i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
