this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
