Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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