you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
