I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
