Michael Bay diarrhea
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
