OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
