alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
