He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
