Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
