The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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