yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
