The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
