The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
