my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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