cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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