check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
