He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
