the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
