I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
