tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
