I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
