at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
