he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
