Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
