somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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