Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
