I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize