I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
