hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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