It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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