I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
