I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
