i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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