Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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