He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
