She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize