Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize