i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
