If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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