sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
