i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just had sex on a roof
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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