my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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