Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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