the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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