I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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