So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
