so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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