Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
