I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
