I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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