I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
